National Dementia Carers Day is all about celebrating unofficial carers and recognising their efforts. As a carer for his father in-law, Isaac, Jason Smith advocates for compassion, resilience and the virtue or selflessness, despite his own health conditions. He was delighted to share his story, which you can read or watch the interview below.
Where Does Your Care Journey Begin?
I began looking after my father, who lives in Croydon, and I still do but that’s once a week. He has registered carers looking after his needs, so it’s not on a daily basis. I simply just to visit him and spend time with him, but also provide him with whatever I can, like shaving him and things like that. So, I have some history of doing this kind of work.
Where does you your story with Isaac Start?
Well, that started when we moved here in May 2021, after his grandson moved out of the house with his wife and daughter, so we needed to move in straight away to attend to his needs. That’s where the story with Isaac began. Obviously, before that, we were seeing him on a regular basis at least once a week with my wife as well, but it wasn’t as an actual carer, it was more so as a family visit.
What are the biggest lessons you’ve learnt in this care journey?
That’s a very big question because it goes to the heart of what this is all about in terms of how you learn about yourself and what you need to overcome. A lot of it is down to patience and showing unconditional love and having that spirit of doing the right thing for somebody who has genuine needs and meeting those needs on a daily basis. I was up with him at half four this morning and sometimes I could be with him for an hour because there’s a lot of things that need to be done. So, I don’t have a regular sleep pattern, hence me drinking a cup of tea right now because I’ve not had any breakfast. It’s very demanding in that kind of way and it does have an impact on your health, so I have to be aware of that as well.
Whilst you’ve been caring for Isaac, what ways have you learnt to care for yourself?
By trying to make sure that I have enough sleep where I can. That’s an interesting question, because you’re juggling a lot of balls here. So, my wife helps me with looking after Isaac, but in terms of what I do to look after myself, there are immediate needs that have to be met because I have health issues myself. I’m trying to fit it all into a very demanding and unpredictable schedule, so there’s not really time I have to myself. Unless a when a carer from SweetTree comes in and assists, then there’s no designated ‘my time’. Rather like with children, you must manage your time around their time, rather than see your time as your own. As everyone does, I have a lot of needs that need to be met but we just get by as best we can.
So, on a day where you’re less busy with Isaac, what are things you do to unwind?
I like to read, and I like to write I’m currently writing a film script, which is my first one. It’s based on a lot of life experiences, not as a carer but there’s a lot of things you just feel are important about life and everything that matters in life is in this script – It’s about relationships. It does enable you to have that more compassionate outlook in terms of how you draw these things together. That’s a source of inspiration for me and an outlet that I enjoy.
What difference do you feel like you’ve made in Isaac’s life through care?
I think it’s just that security that he has. I asked him the same question, and two things came to his mind were: being kept safe and feeling comfortable in his home environment. So, there’s nothing that makes him feel uncomfortable about his circumstances. Clearly, it’s not ideal for him to feel the way he does; he knows that somethings not right, but he can’t identify. But things are made as good as they can be for him and he’s very appreciative of that and I’m appreciative of him for his input into my life with his life experiences that help me to understand the bigger picture of things.
What do you wish more people knew about dementia?
That there’s a lot of positive experiences that you can have, rather like raising children, there’s a lot of demands. Don’t think of it in terms of someone reaching the end stages of their life and you’re losing them in front of your very eyes. Yes, there certainly is that aspect of it, but there’s a lot of things you can do to push back against the inevitability of death.
Whilst we’re alive, there’s a reason and purpose for it, for us to be here on this earth: having a meaningful impact on others. We don’t often appreciate how significant that impact is, from the point of view of the carer and the point of view of the person being cared for. There’s a lot of things going on that benefits us, there’s’ nothing wasted. Being a carer is not an excursion into some fantasy world or an outlet for entertainment and people know that, but don’t be afraid of it. Don’t be afraid of what opens your sense of self and what you value in life because care is about values.
If you or someone you know has a care story you’d like to share, contact us at info@nationaldementiacarers.co.uk Want to learn more about National Dementia Carers Day? Click to visit our Instagram or Facebook pages.
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